But I read it rabidly. Just this morning, for example, I’ve already perused (read: skimmed) yet another update on the Litvinenko investigation, even though we all already know the point — Putin is a schmuck; listened to a stultifying synopsis of elementary schoolers and their hair hygiene (iccckkk); and heard a reiteration of the how bad AIDS really is. Did you know it’s bad for developing countries? Yes, it is.

Rambling analytical essays are boring too. In fact, I wouldn’t read either of my last two posts if I weren’t me. Unless if I were assigned them in class, in which case I would read them dutifully and then proclaim them my favorite essays ever written.

Most of the time, though, I’m just trolling for sound-bites that I agree with. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not shallow or anything, nor am I a specimen of the techno-automatization of human thought at the hands of mass media. (Although in fact I am both — but I digress.) I, like any other un-self-conscious member of the developed world, simply wish to be affirmed. Especially because I am right. Right to be left, that is.

This is why I like the NYTimes but don’t watch Fox news, or why I started to shop at American Apparel only after Dov Charney explained how liberal he was.

Just kidding — I’m not a liberal, and in fact I don’t even like politics. To prove it, I’ll end by extending an invitation to Bill O’Reilly for tea, with me and the Russian president.