Not to be a Debbie Downer or an impenetrable black cloud of negativity or anything, especially since it’s my second day here, but I have to get this one out of the way and off my chest–especially since it’s my second day here.

I’m a little disappointed. Not hopelessly so, nor bitterly so, nor even irrevocably so. Just a little disappointed.

And I know why. It’s because I don’t understand geography or the idea of multiple foreign cultures. Mind you, this is not the same as not appreciating foreign cultures or not enjoying the existence of the abstract concept of foreign cultures. In fact, I love abstract concepts. I just have difficulty grasping the difference between Spain and Switzerland, or between movies and real life.

And yes, this is probably my ninetieth–or as the Swiss say, nonantième–time making that trite observation.

Remember that guy on “L’Auberge Espagnol” who had the time of his life studying some unspecified subject at a school in Barcelona while actually spending his entire time having photogenic drunk moments at bars and unphotographable moments with some other guy’s wife? I’m not going to lie that I secretly expected something of the sort. I’ll also be the first to concede that the only similarity between me and that fictional character is that we’re both in Europe. (UPDATE: According to the Spaniard in my suite, nobody in his country seriously considers Switzerland to actually be “part” of Europe.) And maybe also our slightly weak Body Mass Index.

Nevertheless, in the interest of me becoming a more positive person, and also in order to turn everything into a competition, I shall offer the following scorechart: Me vs. fictional character from L’Auberge Espagnol.

1. I am working at one of the most state-of-the-art, well-funded labs in Switzerland. (Besides CERN, those damn particle physicists and their media coverage.) Said fictional character did not have a job, as far as any viewer of the movie could tell. +10 me.
2. I spent hours today staring intently at papers, falling asleep during the process, mixing expensive reagents, all the while learning valuable lessons in the life sciences. +5 me.
3. Fictional character spends several minutes staring at a married fictional character’s naked back (among other things), falling asleep after the process, mixing up her sense of marital obligation, all the while learning valuable lessons in life. +5 fictional character. -20 me.
4. I compare myself to fictional characters. Fictional character does not compare himself to real characters. -1 me.
5. I eat, sleep, and breathe biology. Fictional character eats, sleeps, and breathes. +5 fictional character.
6. I get home from work at 7:10pm today to learn that grocery stores close at 7pm in my neck of the Alps. Fictional character does not need to buy groceries because in the fictional world, the fictional refrigerator is perpetually stocked. Draw (not my fault.)
7. I remain committed to my academic pursuits, as well as determined to see Switzerland and enjoy myself. Fictional character does not convey particularly strong sense of commitment or determination. +20 me. -20 actor hired to play fictional character.
8. I have two German Swiss roommates, one Spanish roommate, and one Indian roommate. Fictional character has a confusing array of roommates from European countries who all seem to speak flawless English. Draw.
9. (Inherent value of reality.) I inhabit the real world. Fictional character inhabits screenwriter’s imagination. ±50, the jury’s still out on this–stay tuned for soul-probing blog posts uncovering the heart of the matter.

I just lost count, but I’m pretty sure I won. Well, maybe it’s unclear, but by the end of the summer I will be victorious. This ain’t over yet, fictional character. I promise, tomorrow I will write about something that actually happened to me.