Recipes for the Lazy–Er, Manly.
Now that I’ve moved away from college–and my parents’ dumpling delivery radius–I need to fend for myself when it comes to food. Unfortunately, cooking is for sissies.
Fortunately, cooking is acceptable for a real man if he sticks to the following principles:
1. Never measure anything.
2. Avoid reading.
3. Be very impatient.
4. Use a big sharp knife.
5. Drink lots of beer.
I’m here to help you with steps 1, 2, and 3. These recipes require only a 4th grade reading level and a 2nd grader’s patience. This lets you devote all those other years of physical and spiritual maturation to performing steps 4 and 5.
FRIED RICE
Crack egg into hot canola oil. Let sit, then scramble briefly. Add chopped scallions and stir. Add cooked (leftover) rice, a few drops of soy sauce. Loosen rice with spatula, while alternating between stirring and letting food sit and brown. Add salt, sugar to taste. Eat with chopsticks. Then do 50 pushups.
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